Roads to the Past, Present, and Future
by Kuro Angales
Summary: Sanosuke has left for Otsu with Katsu. This brings a terrible sickness upon Kenshin. When he awakes, he realizes his problem and must deal with it. It gets better later. Sano/Ken fic ^^x
1. The Visions

Please review!! Arigatou ^_^x  
  
The Road to Past and Present  
  
by Kuro Angales  
  
  
  
Megumi ran through the Kamiya dojo with a bucket of cold water as Karou taught her new students. Yahiko was in the back practicing by himself , his mind was very unclear. The birds were chirping happily as everyone went about their chores. It was another sad day for the Kamiya dojo. Kenshin was deathly ill and it had been a month since Sanosuke and Katsu had left for a get rich quick scheme in Otsu.  
  
{Begin Flashback}  
  
"Where are you going Sanosuke?", Kenshin said in the still of the early spring night. A cool wind blew his red hair in front of his face as he brushed it back. This sight left Sanosuke breathless for a moment. He leaded back on a tree as Kenshin raised an eyebrow.  
  
"I'm going to make some money and pay off a few of my tabs. I might even be able to pay Jo-chan some rent," he said calmly and kicked a rock. His eyes proved he was deeply shaken inside. Kenshin could see this but decided to let it go as Katsu came around the corner.  
  
"Shall we go to Otsu?", the long dark haired man asked. Kenshin had a flashback from those words. Visions of Tomoe filled his mind and he swayed slightly from the painful memory. He even remembered the vision from when he was temporally insane. The rurouni looked at the ground and there was another one. That same pink and red flower. Tears started to fall down his cheeks and he fell forward, trembling like a leaf and screaming. Sanosuke ran to him.  
  
"Kenshin! Oi! Daijoubu!?!", his brown eyes were panicked and he took Kenshin into his arms. "OI! JO-CHAN!! SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH KENSHIN!!", he screamed and Katsu joined him to look over Kenshin. He felt so frail in Sanosuke's arms and he could almost feel the pain Kenshin was going through by looking into those troubled blue eyes. Kaoru ran out to see what was wrong, already crying, and she told him to put him in his room.  
  
{End Flashback}  
  
Kenshin's eyes fluttered open for the first time in a few weeks. He reached a trembling hand up to touch the cross shaped scar on his cheek. Another scream racked his thin form as he remembered the emotional and physical pain this represented. The manifestation of hatred and love entwined on his body as well as his soul. "Tomoe.... what would you think of me now...," he muttered to the still air. His eyes were a deep gray blue, just as they were that day. They lacked the luminescent sparkle of the rurouni as he searched the room for his sakabatou. "Shall we go to Otsu....," he muttered and rose as his eyes landed on his sword.  
  
The sakabatou helped keep his sanity. Tomoe could not be his saya for long, she was too weak. Her mind was just as unstable as he has always been. He was always fighting for life. Not just his own but the people around him. Death was not to be part of his life anymore, and yet it followed him everywhere. No matter whether he caused it or tried to prevent it.  
  
Kenshin heard Yahiko approach and did not rush back to his futon. The young boy entered with soup and some rice. The boy's hand reached up to touch Kenshin's shoulder. "They will return.. its ok.. to cry.." The rurouni's eyes went wide as the boy had summed up his whole state of confusion in a few heartfelt words. Yahiko put the soup down and pushed Kenshin slowly down onto his futon. Then he put his arms around the red haired man. Kenshin felt hot tears run down his cheeks as all his invisible walls crashed down around him. "Kenshin, how long have you felt this way...?" Yahiko asked after the man had fully calmed down.  
  
It took a while for the words to form. The full realization of his feelings had just occurred to him and it was taking a told on his psyche. He reached up a trembling hand again and put it on his cross scar. "Sessha.... Iie... nani?", he inquired as Yahiko surprised a smile.  
  
"You never realized it, ne Kenshin?"  
  
The boy was always brutally honest and for once, Kenshin thanked him for it. "Aa.. demo... Yahiko.. don't tell Kaoru-domo about this. I must think it over when I feel better de gozaru yo," he said with a more cheerful tone.  
  
"That's the Kenshin I know!" he said gleefully and slipped out before Kenshin could respond. His eyes started to sparkled a violet hue amongst the blue. This would take a lot of thought, but now he knew the problem.. somewhat... 


	2. Coming Home

Please review!! Arigatou ^_^x

**The Road to Past and Present  
****by Kuro Angales**

The light outside his cell started to flicker and he tossed another rock up at it. A loud crash was heard as the light bulb shattered. Sagara Sanosuke growled at the darkness and the broken light. "Katsu... how did we end up like this again?", he said in an annoyed tone. Katsu shifted in the blanket the guards had put in the cell and sat up.

"You drank too much and started a brawl baka! And then the police came and put us here," Katsu responded just as irritated as Sanosuke.

"And then they left us with one guard and left looking for an escaped convict... Why are we still here!," Sano yelled and pounded the dirt floor of the prison.

"Because we don't want to get in any more trouble," Katsu said and then smirked, "I think we've done our time. What'd you say?" He reached into his yukata and pulled out some small bombs.

Sanosuke went wide-eyed, "Where did you get those? No wait, let's just get out of here." Katsu wasted no time and blew out the back wall of the cell. She guard awoke from his nap and started to give chase. Sanosuke and Katsu ran into the forest and jumped into some trees. The fat guard was slow and did not see their ascent. The two men covered their mouths as they chuckled at the bafoon running around like a mad dog.

It had been a month since he was at the Kamiya dojo. Sanosuke left for two reasons, his debt and his crush. He had been obsessed over Kenshin after their second duel. Sano couldn't figure out his obsession until he had a dream, the night before he left.

{Start Flashback/Dream} _Sanosuke entered his small apartment and was instantly thrown to the ground. The room was lit by two candles and it was very dim. He was flipped onto his back buy a strong pair of hands and he found himself face to face with his obsession: Himura Kenshin. "Kenshin.....?", he said a little shakily. Kenshin's eyes were almost gold in the low light. There were a few candles places around the room and the light made his hair turn crimson and gold. The rurouni said nothing and started to kiss Sanosuke passionately. Sano found that he liked it and kissed back as Kenshin removed his jacket. _ {End Flashback/Dream}

The dream still turned him on, even now. He calmed himself down quickly and the guard ran back into the building. Katsu and Sano jumped down from the tree and started to run for it. They made it out of town in no time and started to slow to a brisk walk.

Daylight was breaking over the horizon as they walked down the trail. Katsu turned to Sanosuke. He knew his friend had been having an internal battle for a long time. "Sano.. do you ever thing about.. Sagara-taicho..."

"Baka! Of course I do.... naze?" Sanosuke's words were a little brusque, but Katsu was used to it be now. The two traveled in silence for a few more miles as the sun rose in front of them.

"Iie...do you think of Sagara in a *certain* way sometimes.....," Katsu knew he was treading on thin ice with this question. Sanosuke stopped walking and Katsu turned around.

"Aa, naze?" His voice was softer now and Katsu knew he had found out his friend's problem.

"That's why you haven't gone after the fox-lady, ne?" Katsu said and chuckled.

"Iie... there is another reason...," Sanosuke's words were very soft and Katsu barely heard them. The ex-fighter-for-hire started to walk again and Katsu followed him. It took less time for Katsu to ask again. "So, what is this reason? Battousai maybe?" Sanosuke didn't answer, he only stopped for a moment and started to walk again. They continued in silence the rest of the way back to the Kamiya Dojo.

+++

Kenshin had woken up early that morning. He put on his apron and started to do the morning chores. If Sanosuke ever returned, he didn't want to look as bad as he felt. His mind filled with visions of chocolate eyes and a cocky smile. They had been through a lot together. From Kurosaga to Enshi and farther. Kami-sama knows what else they will go through in the future. In all that time, he could never let himself get really close to his beloved. They were always very open about their friendship. But, that's all it was, a friendship. 

Kaoru would be getting very close to him soon. After all, they had been together long enough to get married. Kenshin knew it was what she wanted. She just didn't have the strength he needed. He loved Kaoru like a sister. She was someone he could protect in the place of Tomoe. But, she could never replace Tomoe. "Tomoe.....ore wa...kimi...mamoru...", Kenshin whispered to noone.

His thoughts were interupted by Kaoru's presence. She gasped when she saw him finishing the kitchen chores. "Kenshin!! You shouldn't be up! You're sick!" she said and started to push him towards his room. He humored her and walked with her back to his room. "Now, you stay here until you get well."

"Did you ever ask Megumi-domo what I had?"

His sentence caused her to stop. "Anou.... she said you were sick and that the only cure was time. Also that it was up to you if you got better....naze?"

"Sou ka.....yare yare... I am better now de gozaru yo!", he said enthusiastically. Kaoru was stunned for a moment before she started nagging him again. He ignored her and went out back to start working on the laundry. This was something he would never miss about her, the constant nagging. His muscles were sore from lack of movement and here were bags under his eyes. The color of his hair was dulled by the lack of care he gave to it. Amazingly, Kenshin took pride in his hair. It was one of the few things he could do to relax himself. Tomoe had always asked why he kept his hair so long. He just told her he liked it that way. When she died, he almost cut it off, but decided against it. He would get angry with it if it grew akwardly or frizzed out more than usual when it grew back. 

One thing he always wondered about was if Sano thought he was pretty. He would catch the boy staring at him sometimes out of the corner of his eye. But he knew the fighter was interested in Megumi, not him.

His thoughts were interupted by Yahiko this time. "KENSHIN!! SANOSUKE IS BACK!!," he heard the boy yell at the top of his lungs. Kaoru ran out to the front to see him, leaving Kenshin alone. 'I do not know if I can face him anymore...de gozaru yo...'


	3. Epiphany

Please review!! Arigatou ^_^x

Epiphany is written by Staind

**The Road to Past and Present  
by Kuro Angales**

Sanoksuke sighed happily as his family came out to greet him, except one member of his family. The most important one of all. He saw Kenshin finishing the laundry out in the back. The small rurouni walked past him with the dry load and didn't say a word or acknowlegde the fighter. Sano had a feeling it would be like this. After all, they had been on the verge of something the few days before he decided to leave.

{Start Flashback}

**_Your words to me just a whisper  
Your faces so unclear  
I try to pay attention  
Your words just disappear_**

Kenshin and Sano had been drinking a little that night and were hanging out at his dingy aparment. They talked about old times and then about their second fight. The rurouni had whispered quietly, "I thought I would lose you to him..." Sanosuke had just riased an eyebrow and a long silence streched out between them. "I knew you were leaving that night."

Sanosuke turned to Kenshin. His friend was lying sprawed out on the floor with one arm under his head and the other next to Sanosuke's arm. "How did you know?", he asked quietly.

The red haired samurai turned to him. His hair caught the light and it turned red and gold. Sano's breath caught in his throat as his mouth dropped open slightly, but he slowly closed it. "You threw a party that night. And you invited Megumi......why haven't you dated her yet?" The tall fighter lowered his head and his his eyes with his bangs. This was the one question he hoped Kenshin would never ask. The seconds dragged out painfully slow. "Ne, Sano?" Kenshin asked him again and he had to answer.

"Because I care about someone more than her," his voice was filled with regret and he stood up to put his 'aku' jacket back on. It had gotten warm in the room from the sake and he had taken it off. As he put it back on, he thought he saw a look of loss in Kenshin's eyes. 'It must be the light,' he thought to himself.

"Sou ka..... anata?", Kenshin said and sat up while straightening himself out.

"You'll find out sometime Kenshin...," he muttered under his breath, not sure if Kenshin heard or not. "I think you should be getting home. Jo-chan will be worried." His brown eyes were fixed on the violet of Kenshin's. He almost thought he saw something else in those eyes besides friendship. 'Damn candles!', he thought again and turned away from Kenshin as he headed towards the door.

"Aa. Oyasuminasai, Sano....," his voice was quiet and it sounded as if he was going to cry. Sanosuke turned around, but the rurouni was gone. He slid open the door, but he was already almost out of sight.

{End Flashback}

**'Cause its always raining in my head  
Forget all the things I should have said**

Kenshin walked quicker as he passed by Sanosuke. He quickly placed the laundry in the right places and ran to his room. The presence of Sano was driving him crazy. He was either going to keep running or confess. The Battousai inside of him yelled about how he shouldn't run and how it doesn't matter. His heart was breaking in his chest. If Kaoru ever figured out what was going on, her heart would break too. It was bad enough that had gotten close to so many people, he didn't want to hurt anyone anymore.

**So I speak to you in riddles because  
My words get in my way. I smoke the  
whole thing to my head and feel it  
wash away **

The samurai started to cry again. 'How stupid must he think I am. Sessha....I am a hypocrite trying to live this pointless life. I want to save people, but I create problems for the people I protect. None of this would have happened if I had left town that night. I speak like a sage with my 'de gozaru's. Dakedo.... I am just a person who lived through a war. The emotional scars I have don't allow me to talk the way I do. If I can't figure out my own problems...who am I.....'

**'cause i can't take anymore  
of this, I want to come apart.  
or dig myself a little hole inside  
your precious heart**

The ex-fight-for-hire sat in the backyard of the dojo. He knew he would have to tell Kenshin how he felt. This idea had been running through his head a thousand times or more. Sano even thought of how it would go when he returned. Everything did go the way he thought, until Kenshin didn't come to see him. That almost made him cry right there. Kenshin had always infulenced the things he did since he met the man. He admired everything Kenshin ever did and his admiration changed into something else. It changed into love. It was a love stronger than the one he felt for Sagara Souzou or for Takani Megumi. Himura Kenshin was his soulmate and he was sure about it. But why wouldn't he respond the same way. Kenshin always cared about everyone, why couldn't he see that he was breaking Sanosuke's heart.

**'Cause its always raining in my head  
Forget all the things I should have said**

Kaoru entered Kenshin's room and didn't notice he was crying. She talked about how Yahiko was going with her to get tofu and asked if he wanted to come. "Iie," he said simply and she felt his forhead again. She told him to lie back down and get some rest. He did so until she left. It was time for him to face Sanosuke. Kenshin rose up off th bed and straightened his yukata. If he didn't do it now, he would be afraid to see Sano for the rest of his life.

**I am nothing more than a little boy inside  
That cries out for attention  
yet I always try to hide**

Sanosuke remembered how alone he felt when Sagara Souzou died. He wandered and frought his whole young life in order to get stronger. Even then, he wasn't strong enough to defeat love. Although he didn't know it was love that he fought when he went up against Kenshin. That man had love and hope. That fueled his every ambition and that's why he is invincible. 

It was amazing that Kenshin treated him as an equal, eventhough he was much younger. throughout their whole friendship they ahd been equal towards each other. So why was he so afraid to talk to his equal. Kenshin had been in love before so he must know the heartache Sano was going through.

**'Cause I talk to you like children,  
Though I don't know how I feel  
But I know I'll do the right thing  
If the right thing is revealed**

As Kenshin walked, he knew with every step, that he was in love with Sagara Sanosuke. There was almost no denying it anymore. He treated Sanosuke like an equal. So, the most Sanosuke could do was hit him. He was fully prepared for the rejection and what it will bring. But, if he didn't try, then there was no point of loving him at all. 

Kenshin found Sanosuke still in the backyard. He walked up slowly and put a hand of Sano's shoulder.The boy was so wrapped up in his thoughts, he didn't sense Kenshin coming. "You're home. I'm glad."

Sanosuke turned around quickly and jumped up with a start. "Ne, Kenshin! Don't scare me like that!" The initial reaction caused the smile on Kenshin's face to fall. His eyes remained wide and full of emotion, emotion Sano had never seen before in those eyes: love. "You..you missed me?" Kenshin nodded and leaned forward to hug the tall fighter. Sanosuke held him back and tilted his chin up. A puzzled look washed over Kenshin's face until Sano smiled. He leaned forward and kissed Kenshin soundly on the lips.

Kaoru and Yahiko came home at that moment and the two lovers broke apart quickly. They were still hugging when Yahiko came into the backyard. He took one look at them and smiled. Yahiko just whistled when he walked away. Kenshin didn't care anymore and he started to cry into Sanosuke's chest. "Ai shiteru Sano.....koi...," he whispered and the arms around his waist hugged a little tighter.

**'Cause its always raining in my head  
Forget all the things I should have said**

The End ^_^x


End file.
